Learning to fly…

My young son and I went downhill skiing this weekend. “Fun and frustrating” for both of us, I guess you can say... As the sun went down and we headed for home, it came to my mind that teaching my son how to go down hill has many parallels to training him in safe and conscious use of the Internet.

Last winter was the very first time he went downhill skiing, and we started by me holding him in my arms, skiing together all the time. After a while, he became comfortable trying to ski alone, having me by his side or a few metres away from him – consciously always in reach, whatever happend.

This winter, he is improving his skills. Much more steady, but still quite unaware of his surroundings – both other skiers and the terrain. So I still stay very close, watching him carefully to make sure he is reasonable safe - and to keep him away from the tracks still way to difficult for him.

I try to ask him questions about his choices and performance in order to develop his ability to reflect – and thus learn. But always focusing the most on having fun and explore, enjoying the elements and nature.

The helmet will be a crucial part of the equipment for many more years I guess…

One day he will go the same way as I did when me and my father went downhill together until I was 13 – 14 years: I will choose separate tracks, ski with my own friends in stead of him, buy my own gear and enjoy the combination of moments we share and moments of my own.

The fatherly challenge is to find the balance between guiding and letting go. May I always be there for him anyway when he falls and in need of a steady hand from a strong father.

Fly, eagle, fly. Lift your wings to the sky in your search for the sun.

Succeeding as a Father

When contemplating my own upbringing, I quickly realise how quickly the media has developed. How should I guide and set limits for my children in a media age that is so different from my own childhood?

When I was a little boy, there was just one TV channel, two colours (both black and white) and about 20 minutes of children’s TV at 6 pm. Afterwards we flocked around the radio and listened to the children’s hour. After some years, we even got a colour TV.

In 5th grade I experienced something completely new whilst visiting my buddy Lasse. He had a huge TV screen (12 inches: I thought it was big) in his own room, and with a TV-game in an orange box. When Lasse turned it on, a white line appeared on each side of the screen, which we could move up and down with 2 controllers. Lasse said that the controller was called a “Joystick.” In the middle of the screen was a white dot that moved from side to side. The game was called “Tennis” and we kept it going for hours. I thought it was incredible that it was possible to make something so fun.

But it didn’t stop there. When I started at secondary school, something much more exciting happened. “Personal computers” appeared, on which we could play “Pac Man” and “Snake.” Fantastic. The development was palpable. My best friend Stein invested in electric typewriters whilst his parents had no faith that such machines would be useful.

Digital media has surrounded my own children for as long as they can remember. Internet, mobile phones, games consols, and an abundance of both films and TV channels that send all-day are for them a matter of fact. They are surrounded by more influences, options and opinions than any other generation has experienced in the whole of human history. With the joys and challenges that the media provides. Media developers love to open new possibilities but leave many moral decisions to the user.

As adults, we carry the responsibility for which stories and values we give our children. Children are far too valuable to be left to fend for themselves against a combination of one-sided commercial interest and chance, when considering which values are being advanced. Children are by nature curious, they can be easily formed and learn easily. More than ever, society at large and especially parents need to give our children clear heads and beating hearts.

It is easy to take important things in life for granted. Sometimes you do not see clearly what you have until everything is put into play. A long story short: I recovered from the cancer and feel like if I have received the gift of life twice.

Many nights during the last year, I have found myself standing beside the beds of my children, admiring their peaceful faces. Thoughts of joy, gratefulness and melancholy arises side by side. I feel like the richest man on earth, as a father of the two little ones. At the same time, I wonder what life will bring them of both joy and sorrow. I realize I can contribute to both, and I realize it will be impossible for me to ensure them a life just on the sunny side.

What heritage have I given them so far in their relatively short lives? How can I parent them in a good way? Questions I ask my self as a father, and underlying questions in my job as the director of an NGO aiming to inspire, equip and enable parents to parent their children in a media world so different from our own childhood.

Thoughts from a Director's head and a Father's heart.

My life was rebooted the 13th of October 2008. I had delivered my daughter in the Kindergarden, was on my way to run a seminar in the capital city of Norway but dropped by the local hospital for a quick x-ray on my way as I had recently experienced some vague pain in my chest. I was unaware that I was just about to be hit by a stormwind. Until that very moment, my life was CEO of Kids and Media, Master student at Norwegian School of Management, father of 2 and happily married. Suddenly, everything was put into play, and the outcome most uncertain.

I call the 13th of Oct 08 ”The day my life went from 100 to 0 in 8 seconds. Eight seconds: The approximate time the executive doctor needed to say ”You have to step into my office for a talk, I am afraid I have some serious news for you.” It appeared that there was a tumor in my chest at the size of my fist. She expected it to be cancer. And she was right.

My name is Oystein Samnoen, I am the director of Kids and Media, an international organisation based in Norway. I call my blog ”Thoughts from a director’s head and a father’s heart”. I will write just as much as a father as a director of an NGO focusing on children’s use of media.

This is my first entry, ”I’ll be back”. (Quote, Arnold Schwarzenegger ;-)

Oystein Samnoen